"Dude, You’re Gonna Be a Dad!" by John Pfeiffer

• As Dad-to-be, your primary job is to make sure Mom-to-be doesn’t see red during this stressful time of emotional and physical upheaval for her, and to do your part to make the pregnancy as successful as possible.
• Give input right from the start. You need to carefully consider each decision.
• So although no man gets excited about getting a Brest Friend or about choosing the color of the car seat cover, your BMP is excited about these things, and that’s what you need to care about.
• Read, reflect, and evolve. It’s not just about you anymore. It’s time for you to turn into the leader of your pack.
• Once a woman decides to get pregnant, there’s no stopping her, and your sexual preferences aren’t on the agenda.
• You may hear how they “grow up so fast,” but this is mostly a phrase used by old people who have lost their minds. It takes a lot of time and effort to get your kid launched.
• Remember that the newly anointed mother of your child cannot drink alcohol. Unless she is kind enough to grant permission, you should refrain as a gesture of solidarity.
• Traditionally, that number is forty weeks from the date of her last period.
• While it’s certainly no walk in the park, less skilled parents are able to keep their child alive until age eighteen...or even longer! It may seem as if you’re about to sacrifice all those things you used to enjoy for the sake of your family, but before you run away from home, just know that you’re probably going to love being a dad more than you think.
• In ways both small and large, this child will affect you in ways you can’t predict.
• The reason most couples wait until after the third month is that the chance of miscarriage plummets by quite a bit.
• So the old-school method is to wait until around weeks 8 to 12, when the mathematical chances for miscarriage go down significantly. The actual chance of miscarriage at this point in the pregnancy is somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 percent, depending on what study you’re looking at.
• So, my best advice is to make a plan on which you both can agree about when to break the news, and keep it to yourself until then.
• Just make sure the grandparents know before the public at large. If they’re the last to know, they may never forgive you, and you’ll surely need them to help out in the future.
• Keep up the required maintenance on your relationship, and make sure all the parts of the relationship are running smoothly.
• For guys, bonding with an unborn child can be difficult, especially in the first few months, when you can’t see any visible signs that the child exists.
• This [ultrasound] is a major bonding moment for a lot of people.
• During weeks 5, 6, and 7, pregnancy hormones start making your BMP crazy.
• According to recent research, your levels of cortisol, the fight-or-flight hormone, surge and spike about six weeks after you get the news about the pregnancy. Also, about three weeks before birth, your level of testosterone reduces by nearly one-third.
• You should know that morning sickness can be a 24-hour event.
• Over half of all pregnant women go through morning sickness, which usually takes on the form of nausea and vomiting.
• About one in every 250 women suffers from extreme morning sickness, called hyperemesis gravidarum, which often requires hospitalization.
• Even though it will be the last thing she wants to do, encourage her to exercise.
• Encourage her not to skip meals, even when she feels lousy. Having a completely empty stomach can bring on nausea. Skipping meals will usually make her feel even worse.
• Men in general show support and affection by providing financially for their families. These men may attempt to help by bringing in cleaning services to knock out those things called chores. But women don’t always take kindly to having strangers invade their home.
• The best, but most unattractive, solution may be to show support with your actions, even if this includes scrubbing toilets and doing the laundry.
• Somewhere around week 12, the baby begins to pooch out.
• Your BMP is going to gain weight.
• As any man who has been through the process will tell you, it’s probably best just to get her what she wants, when she wants it, if humanly possible.
• Don’t try to play amateur masseur here. Incorrect massage can trigger contractions. Aromatherapy can also cause problems. Find a massage therapist who is specially trained in massaging pregnant women, and give your BMP a gift certificate.
• Your sex life, among other things, will be drastically affected, and you two need to enjoy each other while your time and energy permits.
• Don’t expect the doctor to give you all the information you need without being asked.
• First and foremost, you’ll want to find out what doctors accept your insurance coverage or are part of your health-care network.
• A midwife is a specialist trained to deliver in low-risk pregnancies.
• Pregnant women have lots and lots of appointments.
• You may not be able to attend every appointment. There are a lot of them, with more at the end of the pregnancy. From weeks 36 to 40, your partner is going every other week, and if, God forbid, you make it past that point, from week 40 on you’ll have appointments every few days until the baby comes home to roost.
• Disclaimer: skip appointments at your own risk.
• Other than the actual birth, this [first appointment] is probably the most important appointment.
• Warning: Some doctor’s decide to listen to Junior’s heartbeat for the first time at this [second] appointment. Make sure you know if the doc plans to do this before you skip the appointment to go to Hooters with your coworkers.
• Traditionally, this [third] visit is a pretty big deal. As you reach the neighborhood of sixteen weeks, you’re mathematically out of the scariest portion of the pregnancy, when a miscarriage is most likely to occur.
• You’ll be listening to the baby’s heartbeat at each appointment pretty much from here on in.
• This [fourth visit] is usually the magic ultrasound appointment. Despite what your sorely lacking male brain tells you, this procedure is not done to identify the sex of the baby. Its true purpose is to check for all of the organs, fingers, and toes. You also get a picture of the baby, which is a major bonding experience.
• Around weeks 15 to 18, the doctor will perform a “triple-screen” blood test, which checks for possible birth defects.
• Most obstetricians and midwives practice in groups, so even though she has “her” obstetrician, during her various appointments she’ll see different doctors in the group.
• This pregnancy thing is all about having a plan.
• If something were to happen, you might have trouble thinking straight. So it’s best to prepare for this type of situation when you are calm, cool, and collected. Here is a list of recommended phone numbers to keep on hand:
• 911
• local emergency-room number
• your doctor’s number or after-hours answering service
• insurance information
• your BMP’s health information
• family contact information
• Time is the only thing that will have a dramatic impact on how miserable you feel [after a miscarriage].
• As you enter Part Deux, your BMP will begin to show a baby bump and to gain weight.
• That glow idea isn’t just people being nice; the increased volume of blood during pregnancy often gives a pregnant woman’s cheeks a rosy glow.
• As with nonpregnant people, exercise can help your BMP sleep soundly.
• In week 18 the ears’ function generally comes online, allowing the baby to hear in the womb.
• As she moves closer to the due date, her hips may widen slightly in preparation for the birth. In no way are you to notice this; the future of your relationship may hang in the balance.
• She may experience Braxton Hicks, or false labor, contractions. It is advisable to know the difference between these and the real thing.
• How much stuff can a kid need? You’re about to enter a previously unknown (to you) and bizarre universe with so many options available that you need to do a dizzying amount of research.
• Where you seek simplicity, none actually exists.
• Nesting is the pregnant female’s need to scrub, scrub, and then scrub some more until the entire house is germ-free in preparation for baby’s arrival.
• Get ready to buy all the most expensive everything?
• Read reviews on cribs and check the manufacturers’ past products for safety, especially if you’re buying a “lightly used” crib.
• Although ultrasound technicians are pretty good at determining the baby’s sex, it doesn’t hurt to purchase a few neutral-colored items.
• A couple’s shower is basically a lame attempt to include the father in the pregnancy experience.
• With a little planning, a baby shower isn’t an assault on your manliness--it’s a way you can get your friends to help you stock the baby’s room.
• Babies make some people do crazy things.
• If your woman gives you a pass on the shower to go hang out with your buddies, buy her something nice.
• Make no mistake, there’s nothing at this shower for you.
• This is an opportunity to get family and your buddies to pay for a bunch of stuff you’ll have to buy anyway.
• When registering, just know that every new mommy will need a diaper bag. Every baby store has an entire wall dedicated to diaper bags with varying features. She’ll want to look at all of them.
• If gift opening begins to bore, just imagine having to buy all of this stuff yourself. That should help perk you up.
• The best idea with a mountain of gifts in front of you needing assembly is to make sure all of them get done well in advance of Baby’s arrival.
• If your last name sets you up for obvious naming infractions, you, as a caring parent, need to take the situation out of play and not tempt fate.
• Naming your child is a process that seems like it might be fun. In reality, it can be a trap-filled power struggle that you may not survive.
• Baby-naming books only add to the confusion. After reading 500 or so names, you start talking yourself into names that really aren’t that great.
• It’s a thin line between a cool new name and one that makes your kid the butt of many jokes.
• A word of caution: never defend a name to the death just to assert your manhood.
• Beware the input of the family.
• Your new baby will need many items, including a crib, clothing, and bottles. Do some research on these before purchasing. Some brands have a higher occurrence of safety problems or recalls; stay away from these particular brands.
• Take an infant CPR class. Buy an infant first-aid kit.
• SIDS--Sudden Infant Death Syndrome--is the leading cause of death among children one month to one year old. One of the most frightening facts about SIDS it that doctors aren’t exactly sure what causes it. One thing they do know is that sleeping on the stomach is one of the leading factors in these deaths. Thus, sleep planning. You’ll want to put baby to sleep on her back. In addition, remove all stuffed animals, blankets, pillows, and the like from the crib. Baby can get tangled up in them, choke or have trouble breathing. You should also alternate the position of the baby’s head from night to night, to keep junior from developing a flat spot and getting ridiculed by the other babies in baby gymnastics class.
• Birthing class is an event no man can ever be properly prepared for.
• There may be a couple there [at birthing class] who already has children and simple showed up for a refresher. Be careful with them, as they’re simply here to prove how smart they are about parenting.
• Newborns are not born ready to be on our schedule, and may be up through some or most of the night.
• Remember, you don’t really get input, but you do serve as a listening post for every conceivable scenario.
• While umbilical cord blood won’t be collected until the actual birth, you need to decide about it beforehand. Medically, we now have the capability to use a baby’s cord blood in the treatment of many conditions, such as various cancers, genetic diseases, blood disorders, and immune-system problems.
• Get to know the best routes to the hospital you’ve chosen for your child’s birth. You never know where you might be when labor starts.
• Unlike most civilized nations and third-world countries, Americans have no paid leave policy when it comes to having a baby.
• So save your vacation days, and check with your employer’s human resources departments to see whether you have any chance to take an extended unpaid leave (if you can afford to take it).
• Extend for as long as possible the time someone will be at home with the new mom--she’ll need all the help she can get.
• Don’t forget, you’ll be in a perpetual cycle in which Baby outgrows his clothes and needs new ones. If you’re considering having more kids, box this stuff up.
• It’s never too early to put aside education funds.
• Don’t give up retirement savings to make it [a single-family income] happen.
• You’ll want to choose your pediatrician before you bring your child home.
• Their immune systems are limited, and they can catch just about any germ that’s out there.
• Meet the pediatrician ahead of time.
• More than thirty patients per hour in a day gets into puppy-mill territory.
• All of the quality day-care providers--and even some of the average day-care providers--in your area may have waiting lists.
• Any decent day care is very expensive, but when you go for an on-site visit, it may leave you underwhelmed, or simple whelmed.
• If for some reason the facility doesn’t allow parents to pop in, this would have to be taken as a red flag.
• A quick tip: many employers offer an account that allows you to pay for dependent care with pretax dollars. Every little bit counts!
• You’re going to drop more cash than you feel is reasonable to announce your offspring’s arrival into the world.
• push gift - A ridiculous concept created by women to begin a trend in which they receive a gift in exchange for carrying a baby to full gestation.
• Although only about 4 percent of moms give birth on their due date, about 98 percent give birth during weeks 38 through 42.
• Before there’s any chance of delivery, it’s important for you and your BMP to pack a bag to take with you to the hospital. Pack your birthing plan and stuff to do. Pack the car seat and a new outfit for junior. Ah, and your first pack of diapers.
• Babies aren’t that fragile, so don’t be afraid of yours.
• Those hormones don’t stop after birth, so your partner will have ups and downs after the baby is born.
• On the battlefield of information, you need all that you can get. But despite all of this, make sure you get a few tips from a father you know who will shoot you straight. Getting all of your relationship advice from women feels a little like getting your wife a male doula.
• Outside of medication, staying hydrated is one of the better methods to prevent preterm labor.
• Not all advice for new dads is created equal. Seek out a dad you trust and respect, and talk to him about the fatherhood experience.
• Induction is the process by which your medical-care professional attempts to jump-start the childbirth process.
• Most frequently this procedure [C-section] is performed because of pregnancy complications, and if your BMP has a C-section, it’s likely that subsequent deliveries will be performed that way as well.
• C-section babies have an increased risk of having breathing complications. Mom also faces a number of risks, including endometriosis, or an inflammation of the uterine lining; additional bleeding compared to traditional birth; urinary tract infection; and a three to four times greater chance of blood clots.
• Guys, remember, you may not feel like you’re doing a whole lot. But by being there you’re supporting your partner and showing solidarity with her.
• Encouraging her during the contractions and delivery is one of the most important things you can do.
• Often all the attention goes to the Baby, while Mom, who just went through the equivalent of passing an eight-pound watermelon, sits all alone.
• First and foremost, let the baby go to the nursery as much as possible. Erase the guilt by reminding yourself that you will need every second of sleep you can muster to be at the highest alertness level in the care of your bundle of joy.
• Do not by any means leave your partner alone for this experience [the La Leche League]. They will use guilt as their primary weapon.
• You and your child’s mother, but mostly your child’s mother, will make a decision in the breast-versus-bottle controversy.
• Fatherhood is a huge change for men. After losing our virginity and winning our first legal wager for more than $5, it’s probably the most transformational moment for us.
• Becoming a father is both the most rewarding and the most challenging job you could ever sign up for.
• Fatherhood is one of the experiences in life that you cannot possibly prepare for. It’s also one of those unique life experiences where there is no one right answer. There’s no manual to outline what to do in certain situations. You have to make it up as you go along.
• During the pregnancy is a good time to start getting involved in your unborn child’s life.
• Seek out another father, or even your father, and see if you can learn anything.
• One simple recommendation is to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Know what you need to take care of yourself, to keep yourself engaged in your life as a father and husband, and to have balance with your work and social life (just kidding--your social life is over).
• The child-centric families of today have helped develop the dissatisfied spouses of tomorrow.
• Does a man put his family first? He must. But one of the best ways to be a strong father and partner is to make sure you’re taking care of yourself as well as your family.
• Having children seems to have a way of shining a harsh light on any problems you and your BMP might be having.
• For new dads, the hardest part is finding the correct role to play.
• It won’t be easy, but you have to find your role and define for yourself how you’re going to take part in your child’s life.
• In many people’s minds, stay-at-home dad translates to unemployed dad.
• First and foremost, let the trained professionals care for your child in the nursery so you and Mom can get some well-deserved sleep.
• To be an effective parent, sometimes you have to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.
• Babies tend to be happier and easier to wrestle when they maintain a regular eating and sleeping schedule. But brand-new babies may not care what your schedule is, so you have to train them. The sooner they adapt the better.
• Most studies focus on Mom’s postpartum depression, but remember, guys we can fall prey as well.
• Make no mistake: this is a life event that will change you. You may have had certain hobbies or activities that were once tolerated by your BMP, but once a baby is on the scene, they’ll be discarded faster than a girlfriend who brought an extra 100 pounds back with her from her summer vacation in Europe.
• So while there can be an adjustment period that lasts for different people from between one minute to one lifetime, you can have a special relationship with your child that stays strong and vibrant.
• Babies’ immune systems are not fully developed, and they are apt to catch any illness they come into contact with.
• It’s okay to make the people who want to come bearing gifts wait a few extra days.
• Not everyone will be thrilled or even respectful of you for turning them away from Club Baby. Just be prepared for an aunt or neighbor to be offended when you tell them the baby is sleeping and no, you will not awaken her just for their viewing pleasure.
• Experts agree that breast milk wins, hands down.
• Newborns can only take maybe one or two ounces in a sitting. Their stomachs just aren’t that big.
• If your baby isn’t gaining enough weight or seems to cry frequently, you may want to try feeding smaller amounts more often throughout the day.
• These really difficult parenting jobs need to be shared, and discussed.
• If you have a bothersome though roaming around that thick skull of yours, make sure you let it out.
• Grandparents, and grandmothers in particular, cannot resist a newborn baby and will throw themselves at your mercy to get some special time with their grandchild. These attempts to monopolize junior will be craftily disguise as attempts to help out the overwhelmed new parents, who are still adjusting to the exhausting demands of parenthood.
• It sounds like a selfless act of goodwill, but, in reality, Grandmother (and possibly Grandfather) is watching you like a hawk and thinking about how you’re doing it all wrong.
• Could these doctors and experts possibly know more than your mother? The answer is an emphatic yes, but you will never convince her of it.
• All I can say is when you’re asking the grandparents for help, caveat emptor. When it comes to helping out with their grandchild, your parents and in-laws can be very sneaky and conniving if they feel it’s necessary.
• Don’t mess with a new mother--who’s still raging with hormones--and her newborn baby.
• The grandparents will wait you out until the baby pushes you to the point of exhaustion. That’s when they strike, turning on their old-person charms and smiling kindly at you with their false teeth.
• But, no matter what feelings you harbor for the grandparents, just remember that their grandkids are one of the loves of grandparent’s lives.
• While the grandparents say they’re there to help and will do whatever you need, what they really want to do is grab the baby when you aren’t looking, jump in the car Pops kept running in the driveway, and take the baby home with them.
• You should always put your baby to sleep on her back to reduce the risk of SIDS.
• Introducing solid food before four months may increase your baby’s chances of developing food allergies.
• Most young infants will want to stand with support around two to four months of age. This is fun and exciting for them and is perfectly normal, and no, it will not cause them to be bow-legged.
• Since they don’t have any other means of communication, crying is their signal for just about everything.
• You might get a deluge of useless phrases like “work smarter, not harder,” But the reality of the situation is that you’ll be exhausted.
• For the most part, grandparents make the best babysitters.
• Little kids will find ways to cause trouble in ways your adult brain could never imagine, and often times injuries ensue.
• You will need to purchase plastic outlet covers or sliding outlet plates.
• Take steps to secure the cord from window blinds out of baby’s reach.
• Secure all silverware and other pointed objects, and make sure you check your cooking area.
• In whatever time you have, try to squeeze in some quality bonding time with your child.
• It’s important you begin building a strong relationship with your child right from the start.
• Baby-proofing your house before your child becomes mobile is an important safety step.