"No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover

• Nice guys believe that if they are good, giving, and caring, they will in return be happy, loved, and fulfilled.
• The progression from perfect little boy to Nice Guy basically occurs in three stages: abandonment, internalization of toxic shame, and the creation of survival mechanisms.
• The seeking of external validation is just one way in which Nice Guys frequently do the opposite of what works. By trying to please everyone, Nice Guys often end up pleasing nobody--including themselves.
• Humans connect with humans. Hiding one’s humanity and trying to project an image of perfection makes a person vague, slippery, lifeless, and uninteresting.
• Spending extended time alone is an important process in recovering from the Nice Guy Syndrome. When alone, Nice Guys can discover who they are, what they like about themselves, and what rules they choose to govern their lives. I strongly recommend that Nice Guys take trips and retreats by themselves to places where no one knows them.
• Imperfect humans can only connect with other imperfect humans.
• Most folks tend to be attracted to individuals who have some substance and sense of self.
• Since Nice Guys learned to sacrifice themselves in order to survive, recovery must center on learning to put themselves first and making their needs a priority.
• Making the decision to put one’s self first is the hardest part. Actually doing it is relatively easy. When the Nice Guy puts himself first there is only one voice to consider--his own. Decisions are now made by one individual, rather than by a committee.
• Breaking free from the Nice Guy syndrome involves taking responsibility for one’s own needs.
• Telling the truth is not a magic formula for having a smooth life. But living a life of integrity is actually easier than living one built around deceit and distortion.
• Connecting with men is essential for reclaiming masculinity. Building relationships with men requires a conscious effort.
• There are certain things that boys can only learn from men.
• Girls benefit by seeing their fathers set boundaries, ask for what they want in clear and direct ways, work hard, create, produce, have male friends, and make their own needs a priority.
• To help Nice Guys decide if they need to set a boundary with a particular behavior, I have them apply the Second Date Rule. Using the second date rule, Nice Guys ask themselves, “If this behavior had occurred on the second day, would there have been a third?” This question helps them see if they have been putting up with something that they shouldn’t.
• In many ways, humans aren’t much different from pets. People often behave they way they have been trained to behave.
• As in nature, the greatest aphrodisiac is self-confidence.
• Self-respect, courage, and integrity look good on a man.
• Pretty much everything Nice Guys do or don’t do is governed by hear. Their thoughts are funneled through fear-encrusted neurons in their brains. Their interactions are dictated by the politics of fear.
• Because of their fear of success, Nice Guys are masters of self-sabotage.
• Most folks--Nice Guys included--do not consciously take responsibility for creating the kind of life they want. Most people just accept where they are, and act as if they have little power in shaping an exciting, productive, and fulfilling life.
• What one man can do, another man can do.
• The only thing stopping you from having the kind of life you really want is you.
• Remember, no matter what happens, you will handle it.
• A major reason Nice Guys frequently fail to live up to their potential is that they believe they have to do everything themselves.
• A mortgage, a wife, a lack of a degree, debt, children--are all just excuses. Making significant life changes doesn’t require hiking all these things. It means seeing them for what they really are--excuses--and taking small steps in the direction one wants to be going.
• Rules:
• If it frightens you, do it.
• Don’t settle. Every time you settle, you get exactly what you settled for.
• Put yourself first.
• No matter what happens, you will handle it.
• Whatever you do, do it one hundred percent.
• If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got.
• You are the only person on this plant responsible for your needs, wants, and happiness.
• Ask for what you want.
• If what you are doing isn’t working, try something different.
• Be clear and direct.
• Learn to say “no”.
• Don't’ make excuses.
• If you are an adult, you are old enough to make your own rules.
• Let people help you.
• Be honest with yourself.
• Do not let anyone treat you badly. No one. Ever.
• Remove yourself from a bad situation instead of waiting for the situation to change.
• Don’t tolerate the intolerable--ever.
• Stop blaming. Victims never succeed.
• Live with integrity. Decide what feels right to you, then do it.
• Accept the consequences of your actions.
• Be good to yourself.
• Think “abundance”.
• Face difficult situation and conflict head on.
• Don’t do anything in secret.
• Do it now.
• Be willing to let go of what you have so you can get what you want.
• Have fun. If you are not having fun, something is wrong.
• Give yourself room to fail. There are no mistakes, only learning experiences.
• Control is an illusion. Let go. Let life happen.
• Discovering passion and purpose requires figuring out what works and what doesn't. Mature, successful people establish their own rules. These rules are measured by only one standard: do they work?
• By taking responsibility for creating the kind of life you really want, you can become all that you were meant to be.