DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF AND IT'S ALL SMALL STUFF by Richard Carlson

• We live in a volatile world.
• Life is a practice and what you practice grows like a seedling that gets water and sunlight. What you practice grows stronger.
• In short, we live our lives as if they were one great big emergency!
• As we learn in the Zen philosophy, when you learn to “let go” of problems instead of resisting with all your might, your life will begin to flow.
• Often we allow ourselves to get all worked up about things that, upon closer examination, aren’t really that big a deal.
• The need for perfection and the desire for inner tranquility conflict with each other.
• A powerful technique for becoming more peaceful is to be aware of how quickly your negative and insecure thinking can spiral out of control.
• The sooner you catch yourself in the act of building your mental snowball, the easier it is to stop.
• Regardless of who you are or what you do, however, remember that nothing is more important than your own sense of happiness and inner peace and that of your loved ones.
• Very little in our work lives truly falls into the “emergency” category.
• The next time someone tells you a story or shares an accomplishment with you, notice your tendency to say something about yourself in response.
• To a large degree, the measure of our peace of mind is determined by how much we are able to live in the present moment.
• Many people live as if life were a dress rehearsal for some later date. It isn’t. In fact, no one has a guarantee that he or she will be here tomorrow. Now is the only time we have, and the only time that we have any control over.
• Fear is the concern over events that might happen in the future—
• To combat fear, the best strategy is to learn to bring your attention back to the present.
• Standing in line is an excellent opportunity to break your habit of feeling impatient.
• One of the most important questions you can ever ask yourself is, “Do I want to be ‘right’—or do I want to be happy?” Many times, the two are mutually exclusive!
• The truth is, all of us hate to be corrected. We all want our positions to be respected and understood by others. Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart. And those who learn to listen are the most loved and respected. Those who are in the habit of correcting others are often resented and avoided.
• Stop correcting. As hard as it may be to change this habit, it’s worth any effort and practice it takes.
• You don’t have to sacrifice your deepest philosophical truths or most heartfelt opinions, but, starting today, let others be “right,” most of the time!
• Patience adds a dimension of ease and acceptance to your life.
• As is usually the case when someone takes the chance and reaches out, everyone wins.
• Whenever we hold on to our anger, we turn “small stuff” into really “big stuff” in our minds. We start to believe that our positions are more important than our happiness. They are not.
• If you want to be a more peaceful person you must understand that being right is almost never more important than allowing yourself to be happy.
• Life isn’t fair. It’s a bummer, but it’s absolutely true.
• One of the nice things about surrendering to the fact that life isn’t fair is that it keeps us from feeling sorry for ourselves by encouraging us to do the very best we can with what we have.
• The beauty of doing nothing is that it teaches you to clear your mind and relax.
• Almost universally, when people look back on their lives while on their deathbed, they wish that their priorities had been quite different.
• Although most people believe otherwise, the truth is, life isn’t an emergency.
• The first step in becoming a more peaceful person is to have the humility to admit that, in most cases, you’re creating your own emergencies.
• Life will usually go on if things don’t go according to plan.
• There is something rejuvenating and peaceful about being alone and having some time to reflect, work, or simply enjoy the quiet.
• If our goal is to become more peaceful and loving, we certainly don’t want to harbor negativity toward others.
• Seeking first to understand isn’t about who’s right or wrong; it is a philosophy of effective communication.
• Everyone loves to talk to someone who truly listens to what they are saying.
• If you choose your battles wisely, you’ll be far more effective in winning those that are truly important.
• There are always going to be people who disagree with you, people who do things differently, and things that don’t work out.
• Your own moods can be extremely deceptive. They can, and probably do, trick you into believing your life is far worse than it really is.
• The truth is, life is almost never as bad as it seems when you’re in a low mood.
• A low mood is not the time to analyze your life. To do so is emotional suicide.
• The next time you feel low, for whatever reason, remind yourself, “This too shall pass.” It will.
• The only time you’re likely to be happy is when everything is working out just right. And we all know how often that happens.
• Praise and blame are all the same is a fancy way of reminding yourself of the old cliché that you’ll never be able to please all the people all the time.
• Practicing random kindness is an effective way to get in touch with the joy of giving without expecting anything in return. It’s best practiced without letting anyone know what you are doing.
• Underneath even the most annoying behavior is a frustrated person who is crying out for compassion.
• Humility and inner peace go hand in hand. The less compelled you are to try to prove yourself to others, the easier it is to feel peaceful inside.
• Proving yourself is a dangerous trap. It takes an enormous amount of energy to be continually pointing out your accomplishments, bragging, or trying to convince others of your worth as a human being.
• People are drawn to those with a quiet, inner confidence, people who don’t need to make themselves look good, be “right” all the time, or steal the glory.
• The way to develop genuine humility is to practice.
• If we’re not careful, it’s easy to become resentful about all the responsibilities of daily living.
• When someone acts in a way that seems strange to you, rather than reacting in your usual way, such as, “I can’t believe they would do that,” instead say something to yourself like “I see, that must be the way she sees things in her world. Very interesting.” In order for this strategy to help you, you have to be genuine.
• One of the cardinal rules of joyful living is that judging others takes a great deal of energy and, without exception, pulls you away from where you want to be.
• If you want your life to stand for peace and kindness, it’s helpful to do kind, peaceful things.
• Telling someone something that you like, admire, or appreciate about them is a “random act of kindness.” It takes almost no effort (once you get used to it), yet it pays enormous dividends.
• When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.
• Criticism, like swearing, is actually nothing more than a bad habit.
• An incredibly useful exercise is to agree with criticism directed toward you.
• Almost everyone feels that their own opinions are good ones, otherwise they wouldn’t be sharing them with you.
• If you observe the conversations around you, you’ll notice that, often, what many of us do is simply wait for our chance to speak.
• Liberals, conservatives—we’re all the same. We form opinions and then spend our entire lifetimes validating what we believe to be true. This rigidity is sad, because there is so much we can learn from points of view that are different from our own.
• A closed mind is always fighting to keep everything else at arm’s length.
• Be present in what you are doing. Concentrate.
• When you’re focused, rather than distracted, it enables you to become absorbed and interested in your activity, whatever it might be.
• Happiness can’t be found when we are yearning for new desires.
• The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?
• Your life will always be filled with challenges. It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.
• Repeated practice is one of the most basic principles of most spiritual and meditative paths. In other words, whatever you practice most is what you will become.
• Pascal said, “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” I’m not sure I would go quite this far, but I am certain that a quiet mind is the foundation of inner peace. And inner peace translates into outer peace.
• Meditation teaches you to be calm by giving you the experience of absolute relaxation. It teaches you to be at peace.
• The trick to becoming an effective meditator is to be gentle on yourself and to be consistent.
• Like meditation, yoga is an extremely popular and effective method for becoming a more relaxed, easygoing person.
• When you do something nice for someone, just to do it, you’ll notice (if you’re quiet enough inside yourself) a beautiful feeling of ease and peace.
• The truth is, we don’t know what’s going to happen—we just think we do.
• One of the reasons it’s important to accept all aspects of yourself is that it allows you to be easier on yourself, more compassionate.
• Life is a process—just one thing after another. When you lose it, just start again.
• Give yourself a break. No one is going to bat 100 percent, or even close to it. All that’s important is that, generally speaking, you are doing your best and that you are moving in the right direction.
• In terms of personal happiness, you cannot be peaceful while at the same time blaming others.
• Circumstances don’t make a person, they reveal him or her.
• Most important, when you’re unhappy, remind yourself that only you can make yourself happy.
• When you stop blaming others, you will regain your sense of personal power. You will see yourself as a choice maker.
• Sometimes our grandiose plans to do great things at some later time interfere with our chances to do little things right now.
• All we really have to do is focus on those little acts of kindness, things we can do right now.
• The root of being uptight is our unwillingness to accept life as being different, in any way, from our expectations. Very simply, we want things to be a certain way but they’re not a certain way. Life is simply as it is.
• A good exercise is to try to approach a single day without expectations.
• Unconditional love brings forth peaceful feelings in both the giver and the receiver.
• Perhaps the most basic principle of spiritual life is that our problems are the best places to practice keeping our hearts open.
• Practice being a good listener.
• Contrary to popular belief, negative feelings don’t need to be studied and analyzed. When you analyze your negative feelings, you’ll usually end up with more of them to contend with.
• Remember, life isn’t an emergency unless you make it so.
• Remembering that you don’t have to catch the ball is a very effective way to reduce the stress in your life.
• Everything has a beginning and an ending and that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
• All we know is that, eventually, everything disappears into nothingness. Welcoming this truth into your life is the beginning of a liberating adventure.
• Unhappiness is the result of struggling against the natural flow of experience.
• Unhappiness doesn’t and can’t exist on its own. Unhappiness is the feeling that accompanies negative thinking about your life. In the absence of that thinking, the unhappiness, or stress, or jealousy, can’t exist. There is nothing to hold your negative feelings in place other than your own thinking.
• As long as you think more is better, you’ll never be satisfied.
• Develop a new appreciation for the blessings you already enjoy.
• An excellent measure of happiness is the differential between what you have and what you want.
• If you wait until all your chores, responsibilities, and everything else is done before you get started, it will never happen.
• If you set your mind to it, you can find the time you need.
• The truth is, none of us has any idea how long we have to live. Sadly, however, we act as if we’re going to live forever.